Hair-raising tales from the dork side

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Moving Tales, Adventures in Relocation: A Sneak Peek (Carpet Diem)


Moving Tales, Adventures in Relocation is available on Amazon. The perfect gift for a friend, co-worker, or family member!

Carpet Diem

By Dannelle Woody

I absolutely hated my carpet. The once neutral beige carpet was dotted with numerous spills and stains from my three kids eating on the go, not to mention packs of their muddy-shoed friends, and the dog.
Ugh, the dog. How many dogs would dig in the garbage, find a freshly used paintbrush and drag it into the living room?
Of course the carpet had been professionally cleaned many—make that very many times before. But the stains always managed to resurface. It was time for a new one. Definitely.
There was one problem though. We couldn’t afford new carpet. Not now anyway. In fact, we were thinking of moving--downsizing to get out of debt. Deep in creative thought one day, I was startled when the doorbell rang. My neighbor Michelle stood at the door.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, making herself at home in the kitchen.
I offered her a glass of iced tea and gestured toward the living room. “This carpet is what’s wrong. It’s got to go. I’m sick of it!”
Michelle glanced around the room. “Well, it is pretty bad. But I thought you told me you couldn’t afford to do anything about it.”
I shook my head. “We can’t. But I have a better idea. Let’s rip the whole thing out!”
“RIP IT OUT? But the only thing under it is the subfloor, plain concrete.”
“That’s no problem. I could paint it. You know, with the same kind of
paint you use to paint the garage floor.”
“Battleship gray?”
“No way, I’ll sponge paint the floor so it looks like stones. When I’m finished faux-painting it, this subfloor is going to look just like a stone floor. What do you think?”
Michelle paused. “I-It sounds good, but won’t your husband be mad?”
I smiled, trying to convince myself. “Nah, he’ll love it.”
So armed with a vast array of know-how gleaned from numerous home improvement shows on television, the two of us began to rip the carpet away from the floor.
We worked in sections, without removing the furniture from the room. But as we rolled the carpet and padding toward the center of the room, we soon realized just how big the job was going to be.
“This carpet is too heavy for us to move.” Michelle huffed and puffed.
“I know. Hold on—I’m thinking,” I answered. “Hey, what if we use my son’s skateboard to roll it out?”
Michelle shrugged, “We could try it. It might not be big enough to handle this much carpet though. This stuff is pretty heavy.”
Summoning the last of our strength, we began to roll carpet sections out the front door, dumping them on the front lawn. But the skateboard wasn’t big enough for the job.
That’s when another idea came to me. “Michelle, what if we use my Suburban? It has a trailer hitch in the front. We could tie or chain the carpet to it and I could “rev” up the engine and drag it out the front door.”
“Like pulling an old tree stump out the ground,” added Michelle gleefully. “I love it.”
Soon afterwards however, my husband Tom received a disturbing call at work.
~*~
“Uh, hello, uh Tom? This is your neighbor, Jeff. I’m calling because I thought you might want to know about something going on over at your house right now.”
A flash of concern gripped his heart. Was it a fire, natural disaster, busted water pipes? Gas leak?
“What’s wrong? Tell me.”
“Well, right now, I’m standing by my front door looking over at your house. There’s a blue Suburban in the driveway and your wife and another woman have your carpet chained to the front hitch. Looks like they’re dragging it out. And the front bumper is losing the tug of war if you know what I mean.”
“Dragging what out?” asked Tom in disbelief.
“The carpet. They’re dragging out your carpet. The whole  neighborhood is out there watching.”

Over the next month, my husband did manage to forgive me, especially when he saw the great job I did faux-painting the subfloor to look like real stone. However, our real estate agent informed us that prospective buyers might turn away at the sight of a subfloor no matter how beautifully painted. So, we had new carpet installed. A big disappointment for me, but we eventually sold our home, after four offers from prospective buyers! The first three contracts fell through. But the fourth was a keeper.
And if there’s ever a busted pipe and the carpet is ruined, the new owners will discover when they peel it off, perhaps with the assistance of the front bumper of a Suburban, the most beautifully-painted
subfloor in the entire neighborhood.

aaaaaaaaaa

Dannelle Woody (Carpet Diem) is a Christian jewelry designer, silversmith and co-author of Babes With A Beatitude—Devotions For Smart Savvy Women of Faith. http://www.dannellewoodyjewelry.com


~*~

For the next two weeks, AND STARTING TODAY, I am going to post whole stories or excerpts from the book with shots and bios of the authors.

And I hope you will love Moving Tales, Adventures in Relocation as much as I do!




If you or somebody you know is packing up for a migration across town, across the country or around the world, Moving Tales, Adventures in Relocation, offers a welcome diversion to the broken dishes, lost furniture and everything else that always seems to go wrong during a move. The lighthearted, and sometimes unbelievably true stories of those who’ve moved in, moved out and moved on, will move your heart and lift your spirits.



Linda Kozar is the co-author of Babes With A Beatitude—Devotions For Smart, Savvy Women of Faith (Hardcover/Ebook, Howard/Simon & Schuster 2009) and author of Misfortune Cookies (Print, Barbour Publishing 2008), Misfortune Cookies, A Tisket, A Casket, and Dead As A Doornail, (“When The Fat Ladies Sing Series,” eBooks, Spyglass Lane Mysteries, 2012). Her latest novel Strands of Fate released October 2012 (Hardcover/Ebook, Creative Woman Mysteries). She received the ACFW Mentor of the Year Award in 2007, founded and served as president of Writers On The Storm, The Woodlands, Texas ACFW chapter for three years. In 2003, she co-founded, co-directed and later served as Southwest Texas Director of Words For The Journey Christian Writers Guild. She and her husband Michael, married 24 years, have two lovely daughters, Katie and Lauren and a Rat Terrier princess named Patches.

Represented by: Wendy Lawton, Books & Such Literary Agency

Member of: CAN (Christian Authors Network), RWA (Romance Writers of American), WHRWA (West Houston Romance Writers of America), ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers), Writers On The Storm, The Woodlands, Texas Chapter of ACFW, Toastmasters (Area 56) The Woodlands, Texas, The Woodlands Church, The Woodlands, TX.

Cozy Mysteries by Linda Kozar

Gate Beautiful Radio Show--November 21, 2013

Family Reunion--Oregon 2012

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Meet The Christian Authors--2011

Meet The Christian Authors--2011
@ Barnes & Noble, Houston, TX